INSTALLMENT 6: "DELUSIONS & HALLUCINATIONS"
Rev. Dr. Nicholas "Nick" Marica is a 69 year old pastor who was diagnosed with Covid-19 and Diabetes on Christmas Day, 2020. He spent the next 6 months in three different hospitals. This blog tells the story of the struggles that he and his family endured.
After I woke up from the coma I am told that I would thrash about on my bed and yell out nonsensical statements. There were times I would just cry out, and they would ask me what was the matter and I would respond “nothing”. I was also informed that I had actually hit a nurse. Much to the staff’s discredit, they chose to tell Kathy I was “confused” when in fact I was delusional and was hallucinating.
These delusions and hallucinations are better known as hospital delirium. In my early stay at Lynchburg General I experienced many of these deliriums. They were very unnerving for Kathy and made a difficult experience even more taxing. I would see ants crawling on the ceiling. One time I saw a bowling ball floating in water. The smoke detector would come alive. I saw cats: a black one and a gray one who would chew on my feet. They loved to chew on my big toes. The unnerving thing about this was that I could actually feel it. At times the gray one would show up with a razor blade in its mouth and start to use it on the surface of my feet. I could actually feel a razor blade cutting in the top of my feet as strange as that sounds. Of course there was nothing there but the feeling was unmistakable. I found that I could use my big toe to “freeze’ the cats jaws. This particular hallucination finally stopped when I employed this strategy. Its worth noting that If I tried to grab either one, they would simply “poof” away.
Deliriums are different than dreams. You don't know that you're in a delirium; you think it's real even though much of them are ridiculous. In one I saw an old friend of mine from Delaware. It was so real it was frightening. He put his hands on my shoulders and I could feel it. At one point in the delirium our faces were only inches apart. I had my arms on his shoulders and I could feel them. I can smell his breath. For all intent and purposes it was him.
Another delirium was when I panicked about paying the bills. I just had to get home to pay the bills. So, in my delirium I got out of bed, and tried to walk home. In the rain. In my hospital gown. My delirium didn’t end well. I ended up getting lost. Despite the fact that was really in my hospital bed the entire time, I was convinces at the time I had actually tried to walk home in the rain.
Another delirium was when I thought I was going to die because of a mucus block. I suspect this particular delirium reflected what was actually happening at the time in real time.
NEXT TIME: "THE TRACHEA"
Rev. Dr. N. Patrick Marica contributes incisive Christian commentary on this blog on a regular basis. He is the Vice-Chancellor of Amherst Theological Seminary, and a D. Min. from Amherst Theological Seminary. He has his MA from Liberty University in Marriage and Family Therapy. He is the author of the book: "The Walk Applied". He has also written "The Fasting and Prayer Handbook" He is the Director of Godly Training Ministries. He has been married to Kathy since 1985. They have 2 adult daughters and an extraordinary son-in-law.
Contact Nick at gtm@godlytraining.org
On Facebook: Rev. Dr. N. Patrick Marica